Come Mister Tally-Man, Tally Me Banana

Currently reading: Dr. Johnson’s London by Liza Picard
Current obsession: Bejeweled on my iPhone.
Current greatest fear: falling face-forward down a flight of steps and breaking all my teeth off.

Sarah is so cute.

Right. Yeah. Blog. Hello. Remember me, blog? I created you, like god did to the world. Then I abandoned you to your own abhorent devices, like god did to the world. Hahahaha, I’m just kidding, blog, don’t worry! (There IS no god)

Sarah is so smart.

I don’t know why I’ve found it so difficult to write lately- I’ve spent many hours over the past month or so since my last post having opened a page for a new post and then staring blankly at the screen. Is it writer’s block, or just lack of motivation? Or is it because I downloaded Bejeweled on my iPhone and can spend hours at a time playing it, or at least until my batteries die? If it is writer’s block, it makes me feel quite validated as a writer, you see. Only writers get writer’s block. Usually with my blog I like to elaborate on a theme, but this post I think will be a traditional What I Did On My Summer Vacation-type update. Hopefully it will get me back into the swing of things.

Sarah's blog is very interesting.

So, things are going well at Schmicked. I recently had my employee evaluation, and to paraphrase slightly, generally they said I’m brilliant, but crap at counting. I rejoindered with the claim that I’m numerically dyslexic, which makes it hard to count, or tell the time. This may or may not be true. It’s never been diagnosed, I just suspect it. That also goes for my undiagnosed hypoglycaemia (it’s true that I get lightheaded and unresponsive if I’ve not eaten in, say, 3 hours, and that the only cure is chocolate, but is that hypoglycaemia, or just fatty-boombah-ness?) and my occasional convictions that I’m autistic, or have a brain tumour (those are unrelated). Anyway, I was talking about Schmicked, wasn’t I? Yes. Here’s an amusing little anecdote, please don’t sue me for slander. Last week someone forgot to turn the Wicked Witch’s mic off when she made her exit, and during a particularly quiet moment she was heard to exclaim from offstage “They’re fucken LOVIN’ it!” All the Front of House staff pretty much wet their trousers simultaneously in excitement, and within 3 minutes they had spread the news throughout the entire theatre. We LOVE it when things go wrong. It keeps us sane. Meanwhile, my work colleagues don’t seem to hate me any more, so that’s, y’know, nice n’ all.

Send Sarah money NOW!

 Things at home are going well. We have things to sit on now! We got our sofa and dining table, finally, so I have something to sling a sheet over the top of to make a fort (but I haven’t done so yet- it wouldn’t be right without Cass & Jess). My peace lilly, Butterman, is flourishing, despite my constantly forgetting to water him. I was concerned at first that he might be developmentally retarded, but he’s very robust. We also had an infestation of weevils, which thankfully seems to be clearing up now. We had to clean out the cupboard of cereals, pasta and flour, and put inappropriately cheerful daisy-shaped moth repellants in every available space. At least Lyndal and I provided amusement for each other, leaping vengefully around the flat weilding gigantic fly-swatters (that was Lyndal) and jumping excitedly “like a Jack Russell” (that was me).

Subliminal messages totally work.

I have seen the following movies: 2012 and Cloudy With A Chance of Meatballs. One was good, the other was very, very, very bad. Both contained giant donuts crushing buildings. I have seen the following live gigs: The B-52′s and Fleetwood Mac. Both were wonderful. Both contain members now in their 60′s. Old people rock hard, I suppose because they’ve been doing it longer. I just decided, like JUST right then, because I live life on the edge and have no qualms about making exciting impulsive decisions like this, that I will devote my next  blog post to a review of the aforementioned films and gigs. Clearly, I’m scraping the bottom of the barrel here. Have my blogs always been this shit? I think to compensate for the crushing disappointment of this post, that I will scatter pictures of adorable little animals amongst the paragraphs in a misguided attempt at subliminal messages. Perhaps you will come to associate me with small, cute things (some of you already do).